I’ve only had 2 chemos so far but thought I was getting the hang of it. I knew when the sickness would hit, I knew when I’d feel tired, and most importantly I knew when I’d feel better.
I guess I should’ve learnt by now not to take anything for granted!
Round 3 has thrown up some whacking curve balls.
On the plus side the first curve ball was that the sickness never came. I had friends Sarah and Kirstin round to look after me for the night. We had a girly sleepover (minus the pillow fights in our underwear) and sat gossiping until midnight. We sat and waited for the stomach spasm, Sarah slept nervously between the bed and bathroom, we had the bucket and towels to hand. But nothing. We had finally sussed the right anti-sickness drug cocktail! (Of course I’m sure their fantastic company played a part in it…or at least that’s what they tell me!)
The following day there was a knock at the door. Followed by another knock. Followed by another knock…. Delivery drivers just kept turning up with parcels! Very nice I thought….but what were all these things?? Sarah then reminded me that while I’d had my head frozen and was high on chemo drugs, I’d decided to do a spot of online shopping!
Some of the things were useful, some bizarre, but I had absolutely no recollection of ordering any of it! It was like Christmas morning…but with a giant bill that comes with it!
Fortunately one of the knocks was less draining on my financial resources…My best friend Sarah (a different one!) had come round to join the Chemo party! Had I not been pumped full of drugs, gossiping and laughing with Sarah, Sarah and Kirstin would be my perfect way to spend the day!
Knowing my taste buds would soon be on the way out we headed for the last supper. McDonalds. May as well go out with a bang!
Then, on monday, as expected, the dreaded 10 tonne truck arrived to put me in my place. Knowing it was coming, I headed to my parents for a few days so the kids could be looked after and I could just stay in bed. I knew I’d be better on Friday so everything was gearing towards that. I just had to get through a few days and I would be back to 100%. (Top tip: Reminding me of this when I’m unable to move, unable to speak and can’t even lift my arm to drink is not helpful!)
So I let it wallow over me. I let it consume me. I just wanted to let my body rest, give the poor thing a break.
My sister came round to visit but I felt like I wasn’t there. As conversations happened around me I would think of something to say, but by the time my brain had communicated it to my mouth, the conversation had moved through 10 more subjects. It was like in the olden days when you used to have to wait for online videos to buffer. Incredibly frustrating.
Then Friday came.
The energy didn’t.
I still couldn’t move.
Then Saturday came….now 9 days post chemo. My brain was starting to function again. But still no movement.
Friends begin to express concern at my lack of social media activity.
Sunday I had plans to go to a friend’s birthday party. It had been in the diary ages as this would be a ‘good’ day. So what little energy I had was used to send a text to say I couldn’t make it.
My mood started to take a battering. I could make it through a few days, I was expecting that, but over a week? I wasn’t expecting that.
I could feel I was improving but at such a slow pace it almost wasn’t worth it. My body felt like a sack of spuds. So while I could get up and about I couldn’t move far.
I’d been able to eat for a few days and as always after my week of feeling crap, I had craved fruit and vegetables. I’d eaten so healthily, no fizzy drinks, no fast food. Just good wholesome grub. But that hadn’t worked. It was time to call in the big guns!
Dominos and Coke.
All delivered to me in bed by a very accommodating son!
While it tasted delicious, it didn’t really help. I felt so helpless. People were coming round to look after the children and I was slumping about the place like Kevin and Perry on a bad day.
We are now 2 weeks, 2 WHOLE weeks post chemo and I’ve still only reached about 60%. I can get up and about but have to limit myself to one activity a day. So if I take the kids to the park, I can’t even THINK about doing a Tesco shop as well!
With only one week til the next chemo, I’ve given up trying to get ‘me’ back this round.
I’ll just write off the whole 3 weeks and hope the next round is kinder to me.You can donate now to my Boobs and Babies Fundraising! Subscribe to this blog Follow me on twitter