Chez away from Chez

After a week of feeling like death, this was supposed to be the time I started to feel better.

Unfortunately something I didn’t think possible happened….I got worse.

I started to get fevers and shakes to add to my repertoire of horrendous chemo symptoms. I still couldn’t hold my head up and started to worry about going to sleep. My breathing had become so laboured I was worried if I wasn’t consciously breathing my body would give up!

As I’m lying in bed the elves hammering at my bones bring out another weapon….liquid nitrogen. My entire body feels like it’s frozen from the inside. I start to shiver which makes the aches even worse. I cover myself in as many blankets as I can reach but nothing makes me feel warm. Then suddenly out of nowhere it feels like I’ve been set on fire. I start sweating and can’t cool down. Sweat starts pouring from my head and down my back. I frantically kick off all the covers and spread out but nothing. I take my temperature 39.1. I reach to my pile of pills and take 2 nurofen. My head feels like it’s going to explode, I can’t take it any more.

Following Dr’s orders I ended up in A&E that evening (thank you Sarah!) begging for something to be done. I couldn’t hold myself up to check in so was sent straight through while my mum gave my details. I laid across the chairs making strange whining noises. I don’t know what the noises were achieving but if felt like the pain just had to get out somehow. They ran tests, took X Ray’s and admitted me for the night. Sadly nothing. They believe I’d developed an infection but couldn’t pinpoint where.

IMG_7571After being wheeled from pillar to post, pumped full of drugs and used as a pin cushion, I was allowed home the following day but I still felt no better. I was able to be pushed in a wheelchair which was progress from having to be permanently horizontal I guess but not much! As soon as I was home though it was back to the horizontal sofa position with a 7 day prescription of anti biotics, more tablets to try and squeeze down my bruised throat! And they were the size of horse tranquillisers!

The children were back from their holiday and I desperately wanted to be back to normal or at least be able to speak to them. I tried to fake it as much as I could but I just didnt have the energy.

IMG_7648Josh however nearly burst with excitement that he was going to get to look after me! He picked up last nights water bottles off the floor (as he’s seen my mum do a million times) got me the blanket for the sofa, asked if I needed anything. He then went and fetched a cherry coke from the fridge. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I couldn’t drink it so tucked it down the side of the sofa. Every 15 minutes, seeing I wasn’t drinking one he would go and fetch another. Think I ended up with half a Coca Cola factory shoved down the side of the sofa!

On Sunday things started to get worse again. I couldn’t believe this was 10 days post chemo and I was still in so much pain, still couldn’t move, breathe, eat. It was back to A&E where I continued to baffle them with what was causing the fevers. I did however discover the beauty of IV paracetamol!

For the second time this week i was admitted into hospital for tests and IV drugs. My biggest fear at this point was delaying the next chemo. The last 6 months have been gearing towards the last chemo day. I want it over as soon as possible, the thought of delaying it just fills me with more dread. There is only a week until the next chemo is due and at the moment I don’t see how I’m going to make it.

After another 24 hours of antibiotics my oncologist comes to see me. Despite feeling like death my white blood cells show I should be able to go ahead with the next chemo. Now its just a battle to try and get some good days in before the next onslaught.

I’m given a different type of antibiotics and told I can go home… again. Before I leave I manage to walk unaided to the toilet. I have never known a trip to the loo fill me with so much optimism!

Entering the 3rd week post chemo I can safely say this has been the worst round so far. I can only hope it is a glitch and not what I can come to expect from the next 2 rounds.

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