I was wandering around the shops the other day and saw all the Mother’s Day balloons, chocolates and wine and realised this day now includes me… hoorah. It got me thinking about life as a mum and how much it really does change you, no matter how much you protest that it won’t. It also makes you really appreciate your own mum, although I’m baby number 3 so really she knew what she was letting herself in for!
I wouldn’t say my personality has changed, I still find the same things funny and have the same hobbies (not that I have the time or energy to do them now) but something has changed in me emotionally. It’s like Freya unlocked a whole new chamber in my heart I never knew was there. Sounds very soppy which isn’t my style so I feel I should add a few swear words here and a cheeky joke but it’s 2:20am and my brain can’t seem to manage it.
For example, there’s things on TV I simply cannot cope with anymore. I’m not saying I ever liked Macaulay Culkin alone in that house on his own but now…oh boy. I jest there but the NSPCC appeals finish me off. In the early days I blamed hormones but it hasn’t changed at all so I think it’s just being a mum.
I also see danger and create scendsrios in my head that aren’t there or likely to happen. I was walking down a wooded lane the other day on my walk with Freya, continually looking over my shoulder for the bogey man, when 3 hooded chaps were coming towards me. Those poor sods, id already identified them as trouble and was planning my escape when all they were trying to do was get home, their hoods up because it was raining. This happened again the following day but it was a man walking his dog (one of those dogs that looks like it’d rip your face off) and he called ahead to me asking if my baby was asleep. I said yes, wondering why on earth he wants to know that. He then picked up his dog and carried him past us, saying as he did so “she’ll bark and go nuts at the pram unless I pick her up”… how bloody nice is that? Not the escaped convict I’d made him out to be in my head. I’m sure this side of my brain will calm down in time but for now I’ve never felt so protective of someone and felt this level of responsibility for her wellbeing. The real test will be when there’s a spider on her, that will show true love. Or make me the worst mother ever.
Lately, I feel like I’ve been living in another version of the world. A really nice one with polite people and kind strangers. Before I had Freya I would often find myself tutting true British style at people who didn’t hold the door or pushed in front of me at the self scan. Now, people are holding doors, saying hello, walking on the road because we can’t all fit on the pavement, having a baby has made my world a nicer place. Although ask me again tonight when I’m changing an explosive sag aloo nappy at 3am!
I hope all mums out there have a wonderful Mother’s Day because you do truly deserve it…I get it now.