Dad's blog

It’s official – Men are useless!

Well here we go then, another week forward – days to go before D-Day =24. So that’s at least 24 more mornings which I annoy mrs lush by asking ‘you ok?’ Little lush ok?’ – it’s my first thought every morning, to which I often receive a frustrated ‘yes, stop asking me every few seconds’ – go easy on us new fathers ladies, we only care and sadly we have no idea how things are for you with an alien inside you. There is a huge feeling of uselessness I am now feeling, ( perhaps it’s something I should be used to by now! ) as there is very little I can really do apart from wait. I read pregnancy forums daily and try and remind myself what the ante natal classes told me about labour, but I genuinely feel like I did at school and college when preparing for a big exam, I know that I know the stuff but am petrified of freezing. In fact I’m certain I’m going to freeze when Mrs Lush feels contractions. I’m already imagining sitting in a cold NHS corridor crying inside at how low my battery is on my phone and how very uninspired I am to read whatever reading material I’ve managed to bring with me and hearing ‘let it go’ constantly go around in my head ( theme tune to the film frozen in case you have been on a desert island for the last year and didn’t know ! ) Perish the thought.

The idea of being useless as a man maybe the butt of many a ladies joke but it genuinely makes us feel rubbish – as we fear we are not delivering ( excuse the pun ) for you ladies. We are currently locking our cats downstairs to prepare them for the arrival of Baby Lush and they often spend hours sulking in their beds on a cold lounge floor and this weekend I’ve been thinking, that might as well be me! All I’m doing is taking up vital bed space ( which is increasingly less ) and annoying Mrs Lush with pretty much everything I say!

Of course I’m excited about everything but this heavy pregnancy, pre labour stage is a strange time. ‘Man’ sacrifices have already been made yet nothing is happening. Selfish baby 😉 I’m 24 days free of booze as I write this yet still feel a bit hungover when I wake up – how the hell does that work?! Strange times. Even stranger that my team got knocked out the FA cup this weekend and the thought I had to console myself was ‘ well at least that saves an issue about going to wembley’ . Very strange times. I also have gone all ‘ Benjamin button’ in my driving. I drive like a 70 year old. The time is constantly ‘ten to two’ in my car ( position of hands on steering wheel!) I’m driving so cautiously I’m scared of being arrested for kerb crawling. I got a lift to the supermarket at lunch the other day at work and he drove like an absolute mad man, ( I swear my grip was so hard a part of my hand is still in that car ) and all I thought was ‘ I can’t drive that like, in going to be a father ‘ .. Strange times .

So in summary my man points are going down as the hours to labour tick by. No booze, apathetic about football , slow driving and a feeling of uselessness that makes my status feel lower than a cat. So try and remember that ladies – just give us a little hug here and then, a little benefit of the doubt when thinking about shouting at us . In the words of noddy holder ‘it’s only just begun ‘

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