I’m starting to think the staff at the hospital have a crush on me. I’m back for the 4th hospital visit in 5 days, they must miss me so much when I’m not there!
Today it’s time for another operation, but we are hoping for something slightly less dramatic and intense than the last one.
The pesky right knocker is still not behaving and 4 weeks post op it still hasn’t healed. Ive been going to the breast clinic every 3 days for wound checks and there hasn’t been much improvement. So yesterday they said enough is enough and I needed to be brought back in to be restitched.
As I’m 1st on todays emergency surgery list I’m what is referred to as ‘golden patient.’ Amusingly the nurse who comes in to see me doesn’t usually work on this department so doesn’t know this. She has come in expecting a royal or celebrity patient!
To confuse her further, today was the day my sun article came out. So as she pulled open the curtain she was met with me reading a double page article about myself! It didn’t take long for her to realise her mistake, but it was nice to be thought of as royal for a few minutes.
The operation is minor so everything is going through much quicker than the ‘big double’. I arrived before 7am and the pre op checks went through without a hitch. Then they come to mark me up. This always amuses me. A big arrow drawn on me to show them where to operate. I know its an excellent safe guard but it never fails to raise a smile.
Everything is a lot simpler than before. I now know all the lingo so when they come to ask my questions I know exactly what I’m in for, exactly what will be happening and can speak their language. Its like that second week on a foreign holiday where you start to pick up occasional words and phrases and can’t wait to show them off. This operation is basically my medical equivalent of a trip to the chip shop on my 10th day in spain.
“uno pollo dos frites por favor”
“right wound needs debridement following bilateral mastectomy. Axillary node clearance to right side. Previous haematoma”
Oh yeah….feeling smug
No time to bask in my glory however as I’m taken straight down to theatre.
I think I wake up briefly in recovery but I don’t really know. Waking up from General Anaesthetic is so strange I don’t know whats actually happening and whats a dream. And whether you even dream when you’re under?? Either way, at about 11 I definitely know I’ve woken up back on my ward. And my first thought….My phone.
I’m attached to a drip on my left side. My phone is in a cupboard to my right. This is serious business. What to do?! I’m too woozy to stand up so after having a quick look round I decide theres only one thing for it. I’ve got to go for it! I pull as much of the drip cord onto the bed as I can and make a slow dive for the phone. I cant quite reach so lean a bit further. bit further. bit further.
I go just past that point of no return. The point where you’re down but have no hope in hell of getting back up. And I cant go all the way down as I’ll pull out the drip.
I look around for ideas on how to get back up.
I can see the nurses buzzer.
That would just be too embarrassing! Nurses rushing in…”whats the matter?? whats the matter?!” er… “I couldnt reach my phone and now I’m stuck”
I contemplate using the drip cord as a pulley to pull myself back up but decide against it. Im just begging for the curtain not to open.
Eventually I manage to hook my foot around my bedside table. When its wedged up against the bed I use all my stomach muscles to attempt the most important sit up of my life. After several failed attempts I’m up! Phone in hand, drip still attached I now know how Sir Edmund Hillary felt when he conquered Everest.
Reunited with my phone, our time together was brief, but beautiful. As before I had even had a chance to fully explore the wonders of Facebook, a nurse was in to discuss me going home!
Less than 6 hours after coming in my discharge papers were being drawn up! Compared to the last operation this one was barely a sneeze.
By the time the kids were home from school I had my feet up on the sofa watching The Chase and drinking my cherry coke! I felt fit as a fiddle, no tiredness, no sickness, no evidence at all that I’d been under the knife earlier today.
As the children appeared in my sun feature I showed them a copy. My daughter read the headline and then cheered as she saw the picture of her! Hopefully not everybody reading the article got the urge to cheer!
As you may know this blog and many of my other efforts are to raise awareness and funds for Kicks Count and Coppafeel so the sun spread was a real boost! Featured on #checkemtuesday it tied in well with the Sun’s current affiliation with Coppafeel. Both charities also got lots of mentions so hopefully lots of awareness will be raised.
The picture of me looking serious amused me though as I know at the time my friends Annabelle and Ali were giggling on the sofa at me trying to pull off a serious pose. I can almost see the corners of my mouth twitching in the picture!
All in all today has been a weird one, in for an operation and out to national press coverage.
Just need to work on my modelling poses.
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