STORIES Breast Cancer Awareness Lopsided lactoids Saying today was a busy one is what you may call “an understatement” Yesterday I did an interview with The Sun to talk about Kicks Count and Coppafeel and hopefully raise lots of awareness. So today they were taking the photos, and sending a hair and make up artist to get me ready! Unfortunately my house was a state!! I had 3 friends round in the morning and as they walked in I was picking some things off the floor. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” one of them shouted “SIT DOWN!” I explained I had a photographer coming and needed to tidy up a bit. Unacceptable! I was convinced to go sit down (which if we’re honest takes no convincing at all) and they would do it. And do it they did! It was like watching a fast forward version of 60 minute make over! It was quite surreal to watch the house go from student bedsit to show home in under an hour! The make up artist arrived and began to get me ready, unaware of the carnage that had bestowed the house just an hour before! The photographer followed shortly after and started setting up. He saw I had black tights on and in his Brazillian accent asked me to change into some different stockings. We were all a bit taken aback! A piece about cancer and stillbirth wearing stockings?? Surely not even in The Sun?! He was mortified when he realised he meant tights. We then gave him a lesson in the difference between tights and stockings, braces and suspended belts. Every day is a school day round here! So I duly changed my TIGHTS and the photo shoot got underway. It was all ok until he asked me to keep a straight face. As it is a serious piece he thought they might want some of me not grinning like a Cheshire Cat. Only problem was as soon as I tried to pull a straight face I could hear the girls sniggering on the sofa!! My mouth was twitching as I tried my best to keep it straight when all it wanted to do was burst out laughing! After an hour of channeling my inner Kate Moss it was back to the real world. Today was also Toby’s birthday. Me and his dad go together every year on his birthday to lay flowers. It’s a weird day because to me it’s like any other. I think about him everyday, all the work I do is because of him and today is no different. I think the difference with today is its permission to share his memory more openly. It gives other people a chance to talk about him. It’s an excuse for me to say “look my son died, remember him!” The hard days aren’t his birthday or Christmas, the hard days are a random Tuesday when a song comes on that reminds me of the drive to the hospital, or walking through a shop and seeing a personalised bottle for Toby. It’s when you’re caught off guard that grief is the hardest. Grief doesn’t follow the schedule and it seems so wrong to force sadness just because the calender says so. So today I feel nothing but pride. Mainly pride that I have survived the last 6 years. But also pride at how far the charity has come thanks to him as my inspiration. I wished Toby a happy birthday and left feeling positive and inspired. As we drove away from the crematorium I voiced something that had been bothering me throughout the day. My boobs were wonky. I haven’t been wearing a bra since the op (let’s be honest, they don’t exactly need the support!) but as I would be appearing in a national paper, I thought I’d wear one today to cover the dressings. I had tried it on with my falsies in but given I’m used to my flatter look it felt comical to have these domes on the front! So I went with the ‘natural’ B cup. What I had noticed was the left boob was filling the bra whereas the right side has space in it. Knowing this wasn’t normal guess what I did? Yep! I phoned the hospital! They told me to go up and see one of the surgical team. It was straight into an examination room and I knew what was next… it was time to whip out the baps! The doctor took one look and said “oh yes that’s definitely swollen!” I think he was a bit surprised I could walk in a straight line and wasn’t going round and round in circles! It was quite a difference! He had a good old feel around and said there was definitely a build up of fluid but as there was no redness and I was feeling well in myself it was unlikely to be infected. So now the decision was whether to leave it and hope it gets reabsorbed by the body or whether to drain it. Both carry a risk of infection so it’s a case of the lesser of 2 evils. He said as there was an implant there they would rather avoid inserting needles if possible so we were opting to leave it. I had to keep and eye on it over the weekend and if there was any redness to go back. If there’s no redness it will be reassessed on Tuesday when I go back for a PLANNED appointment. Upon leaving the hospital I headed to a friends for dinner and much needed girls chat! When it was time to go home, for the first time in weeks, my eyes were closing before my head hit the pillow! I think I’ve found the secret to a good nights sleep….