STORIES Baby Loss Awareness Our Shining Star We were so happy to find out we were expecting again. Our first child Oscar was 3 and it felt like the perfect time to give him a sibling and we were all just so excited! At my 20 week scam we were told that there was too much fluid in one of the cavities of the baby’s brain and we would need further tests to ascertain what this meant. We had an awful week.....waiting and wondering what this would mean for us. We had an amnio a couple of days later and all results showed that there were no issues and that he (we went on to find out) was perfectly healthy! We were so happy and everything in my pregnancy from then on went swimmingly.....that was until I was 41 weeks and 2 days pregnant.....It was December 15th and we’d had a busy day putting the last of the decorations up and loading all the boxes in the loft. My son and I spent the afternoon making Christmas crafts and watching Christmas films and so I hadn’t taken time to sit still and consider baby’s movements, I was so caught up in the celebrations of Christmas etc. That it wasn’t until that night that I mentioned to my husband that I hadn’t felt much movement. He could obviously see my concern as he told me to ring the hospital. I was told to drink cold water and lie on my side......I did this and promptly fell asleep. Waking at half two I still felt uneasy and so rang again with them telling me to come down.On the drive there I didn’t feel nervous or anxious as I thought ‘it won’t happen to me....’ Once there we were seen to straight away - the whole triage area was deserted and it was so quiet. Using the Doppler, the midwife could only detect my heartbeat, telling me to calm down and take deep breaths. After a short while she went to get another midwife and a portable scan machine. At this point I was worried.....but I genuinely didn’t think the worst. Once back with the machine they began scanning me and that’s when I knew......the look on their faces told me before they said it ‘I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat’. There are just no words to describe what I felt.....even now I find it hard, unless you know, you can’t know - it’s that simple. Driving home my husband and I didn’t speak I just needed him next to me, to look after me. We went to straight to my parents and then his and had to recount the story twice. Something my husband must have done as I don’t remember doing it. The next day I told my closest two friends and then turned my phone off. I didn’t want to speak to anyone other then my husband my parents and my son. I went back to the hospital the next day to discuss my options and chose to take a tablet to induce labour then I could go home and be with Oscar (our son). In the early hours of Tuesday 18th December 2012 my contractions started.....my husband and Mum were with me all the way through until 20:53 when Ned Fletcher was born - a perfect sleeping angel. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I am so proud of myself for doing it and not giving up.We were lucky enough to have 2 rainbow babies and Ned’s younger sister and brother (as well as his older brother) are reminded of him everyday and he is so much a part of our family .