I’m not too sure what happened.
It was 2:55. A week since chemo finished, almost to the minute.
I was just leaving for the school run when I started to get a tingling sensation in my mouth. As I got in the car it started to build. I recognise this feeling…
It’s a craving for a Coke.
It’s been a week since I’d had one and being a 2 can a day kind of girl my lack of desire had been something of a concern. On the drive my mind started to fixate on the Coke. I could feel myself salivating. Picturing it being poured over ice on a hot day. The condensation sliding down the glass. A handsome man drinking straight from the bottle.
I want it. I NEED it.
By the time I got to school the mums were looking like walking Coke bottles, I needed to get home at once!! I got the children and hurried them into the car, worried someone would see me drooling. We had to get home! Over the last week they’ve been hurried along when I felt sick so are good at getting home quick haste!
I burst through the front door, nearly tripping over my feet as my body dived ahead of them, I lunged for the fridge and grabbed the can of neglected Coke sitting lonely on the top shelf. That crack as I opened the can and the subsequent fizz as the froth starts to bubble up inside was like a symphony to my ears.
Precious Coke, I’ve missed thee. Reunited at last. Down the hatch you go.
I genuinely felt like a new woman. Like the drugs were out of my system and could now be replaced with caffeine.
I didn’t feel tired, I didn’t feel glum, I felt like me! That girl who has been slouching around with her head in a chemo cloud was long gone.
I poured another Coke and enjoyed every moment. Giddy that my taste was back, that I might be getting some normality back.
What I hadn’t counted on was the sudden surge in caffeine leaving me buzzing all night! It was great that I felt able to do things again but by 4am the novelty was starting to wear off and I knew I needed to sleep. I had watched enough 80s quiz shows on challenge TV. I eventually dozed off about 4:30 and 2 hours later was up for school duty.
But I didn’t slip out of bed into a crumpled heap like I have been doing. I literally bounced into the shower, quick burst of Dolly Parton at full pelt and hopped into my clothes. Down for breakfast…no dry breadstick for me this morning, no Siree!
As I left the house I felt like a toy that had been wound up and suddenly let go. I was zipping all over the place. I needed to pick up the wig I’d ordered. I headed to town and practically skipped down to the wig shop. Last time I was here I was so depressed, a cancer victim. Today I felt more like a warrior! I need a wig? Who cares?! It’s only hair! It’ll grow back! This is how I thought I’d feel. Yes I’ll be bald but I can get the kids to paint funky patterns on my head for a laugh. I can dress up as a pirate for the school run. It’s hair. Why was I so depressed about it??
I tried on the wig again and quite liked it. It’ll save time in the mornings!
Then I head to sainsburys. Zipping up and down the aisle, admiring all the food I haven’t been able to bear for a week. Throwing everything in supermarket sweep style. Salami, yes please! Marshmallows, I’ll have some of that! Gooey chocolate pudding? Why the hell not!
I got home in the afternoon and still didn’t feel tired. I headed for the school run grinning like I had a hanger in my mouth. I couldn’t stop smiling! I can’t believe how different I felt. I don’t know what’s in those chemo drugs but they seem to zap away my soul. But it’s back now!
I know for next time
The week after cheno I might go away for a bit, but don’t worry Ive got a weary pathetic rag doll that fills in for me. Do not try and make her laugh or cheer her up. Don’t pander to her. Just leave her be. Let her wallow and when she’s done, my big bald shiny head will pop back up and make an inappropriate joke about boobs.
Tit’ll be great