It was words I have always dreaded. Words I hoped I would never hear. “Your teeth need to be in perfect condition”

Oh shit.

The breast care nurse said it as a passing comment, almost as if she wasn’t going to mention it at all. Apparently to normal people this is like saying “you need to make sure your face has no excrement on it”…something a normal person would probably say “well…duh!” However to me this is MAJOR! It’s like someone leaving Rome and saying “oh by the way, the colleseum…. It needs to be show home ready by Tuesday”

For those who know me personally, the reasons for the horror behind this statement will be obvious. To those who don’t let me put this in perspective. I once downloaded the sugar app to monitor sugar intake and exceeded my daily allowance by 9am. I should be ashamed, but on that day I was a little bit proud. 9am!!

I consider fruit pastilles one of my five a day, I’ll think nothing of having an ‘after 8’ before 8 (…in the morning) and my blood is probably 15% cola. Having perfect teeth is going to be no mean feat. Personally I blame my parents…when my teeth fell out, I’d put them under my pillow and wake up richer! I thought getting rid of teeth would be a good way to make a living! Turns out it is… but only if you’re a dentist.

Those outside of a cancer bubble may wonder what on earth my teeth have to do with my breasts, as did I. Well from what I can gather as chemotherapy attacks all cells including normal cells, I will be more prone to infection. And given the mouth is an apparent hotbed of germs, infections will be more likely if you teeth aren’t in tip top shape. This, as well as being unpleasant, could delay or stop treatment. And we don’t want that!

So good oral hygiene is key….hmmm.
Luckily I had in appointment in December that highlighted…ahem….4 fillings required. So we knew the task ahead. But as dental work shouldn’t be done too close to surgery there’s a tight time frame! I’m on good first name terms with my dentist, if you ever watched Cheers you will remember the response Norm got when he arrived at the bar. Thats me at the dentist. The clinic has had an amazing refurbishment recently and I’m sure my Cherry Coca Cola addiction funded most of that.

Anyway, today was the first of 2 appointments (one late evening appointment as there were no others available. Like I said, I’m a good customer!) And after an hour in the dentist chair, and absolute agony from having a nerve cleaned (holy moly!!) I am now the proud owner of 2 new wonderful fillings. It won’t be long before my mouth is more filling than teeth, then I can really go nuts on the sugar!!
To celebrate my half perfect mouth, I stupidly decided to go straight to Tesco to stock up on donuts.Those poor customers! I have a resting bitch face at the best of times, when my mouth is numb there’s no chance. So if I saw you in tesco and you smiled at me in a kind friendly manner I do apologise for the face you were greeted with. Maybe I’ll strike Botox off my list of vanity treatments!

Half my mouth is now ready to tackle the cancer treatment just the other side to catch up. Whoever said having Cancer is a full time job wasn’t kidding! And so far I’ve only started my probationary period. Can’t wait for retirement…