So... I'll start off by explaining our loss, my next pregnancy after my full term first baby, and of course you expect your next pregnancy to be the same. My second pregnancy was nothing like I expected. Complete nightmare from start to finish. Bleeds, infections, constant anxiety and just feeling like something was going to go horribly wrong. Then... at 23 weeks 5 days our world came crashing down when my water broke. Our little boy, Tobias, was born 2 days later, weighing 1lb 5oz, after labour began due to sepsis. He fought hard for 8 days before he passed away in our arms, due to complications from NEC/surgery/sepsis
The following months after were spent either being consumed by our grief or consumed by trying again for another baby.
After 4 months of trying, we got that positive pregnancy test and the first 2-3 weeks seemed normal, no bleeding, no nothing. Then at 6 weeks pregnant, I started bleeding again. I thought that was it... here we go again...Went for an early scan, luckily saw our little baby with a healthy heartbeat and was told I just had a small bleed just outside the sac which will be causing the spotting. I mean... at least there was a reason this time right? I was given lots of support throughout the pregnancy, had an amazing consultant, who saw me every 2 weeks, after every episode of bleeding or spotting and I was convinced every single time we were losing our rainbow, he would reassure and show me that despite everything going on, baby was going great. He even saw me out of hours when I just felt like something wasn't right.
I was an anxious mess from start to finish. I just couldn't let myself think we were going to bring this baby home. At my 20 weeks appointment it was found that my cervix was funelling and short, ans I just felt like screaming "I knew it, we're going to lose this baby"
My consultant started me on progesterone injections and got me in for a cervical stitch to try and keep baby inside for as long as possible. The 4 weeks following was like a whole new pregnancy, things went quiet, with very little happening and we his viability feeling very positive. Then the morning of 24+3 weeks, I was at work speaking to a customer and all of a sudden felt that very familiar feeling... my waters were leaking and the bleeding was back. After a lot of to and froi-ng with my local hospital and being sent home to 'see how things go', I rang my consultant (who is based at a larger hospital in a city a few miles away) who got me straight in and admitted to their maternity ward. I spent a week in there, bleeding, waiting and wondering what as going to happen. Luckily, baby was always happy despite everything, but after a week I suffered a large haemorrhage and they decided it was safest fo bring baby now, and at 25+3 weeks, weighing 1lb 7oz, our rainbow, Sebastian, was born via emergency c section. He spent a total of 132 days in neonatal, had to come home in oxygen and tube feeds for a while but was off both but Christmas. He has some ongoing issues with his eyes, and is severely visually impaired but all things considered, he is healthy and doing amazing and is the happiest little boy. He brings a brightness into our lives like no other. Both of our tiny boys have shown us so much strength, and I know our angel was helping his little brother so he could come home with us. It has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride. Not a day goes by that I don't miss Tobias, and would give anything to see him with his brothers, but I know he is watching over us, and Sebastian brings a whole new light to our lives.